Going on vacation to get pregnant seems to be the latest rage in England for fertility of flocks to be resolved.
This makes my brain go so wild again! Surely this can’t be true? Is it going to Thailand on vacation for the sex still not enough? Apparently not, because multiply-holidays seem to became in America and Great Britain a real rage, as I have read.
The various travel agencies and hotels have even reacted to the hype and made accommodations for it.
How low can you go? Well... I ask myself the same thing.
Curiously it is.
Surely if you already know that statistics have shown that sex for the British is the least favorite activity in the bedroom. I assume that the travelagencies do not allow sex in the wilderness because that is punishable in many countries.
Although I have heard someone say that it’s allowed to fish in ponds where weed grows around. They already talk about the beaches for nudists enough, not to mention the dick-shaped straws in the cocktails.
Other texts, based on an American study which I have read, claim that men who clean the house have more sex. Ah …. Something else. I surely do not take the vacuum-cleaner out of the basement on my vacations. To have any form of sexual intercourse, I should take something else at hand, as far as I know.
I leave the vacuuming and dusting neatly to the housekeeper of the complex where I am staying at that time. Don’t get me started about vacuum-cleaners because I can write whole stories about that, it tickles my brain and imagination capacity already quite enough in this case. I believe that masturbating man have already been challenged enough and had to bend their bodies in to strange positions a like snake-man to get their unspecified ‘thing’ free and out of an ice cold rod or flexible hose.
Yeh.. sure.. I already begin to wonder myself, what kind of magazines or literature I read and whether it’s the truth they tell. I may assume statistics and studies have some kind of truth.
In a few years you get from a nice good and hard ‘game’ like sex some kind of rare forgotten disease called “sexakov” and sex queen Jenna Jameson will not write an autobiography because she forgot all about it. Sex will be used as a punishment for sex addicts and the impartial judge will say: “I condemn you for 6 weeks of daily sex with your own partner, Mr. Anal-Knight.” I can already hear him say.
Or do we prefer to argue the other way, sex is healthy and: “You’ve won a sex-weekend in the Belgian Ardennes. All attributes included are for free.”
How far do these strange studies go? How much is true? Can we assume that what they tell us is the truth? I have really no idea.
I despise each anus-veteran that puts this type of articles under my eyes and who tickles my sensitive brain. My retina is still filled with erections of male parts that go by like a movie and so I can’t sleep at night no more. I still hope for a miracle and try every night to put myself back to sleep with other thoughts.
I really prefer counting money than sheep or dicks.
zaterdag 29 maart 2008
dinsdag 11 maart 2008
Things of life, things in daily life
Well, it’s been a while since I’ve let myself heard here, the reason is a pretty unpleasant one. Those who know me a bit are aware of the medical situation of my dad and know that his health is very bad at the moment.
There no longer are any possible treatments for his stomach and rectal cancer.
I can’t help forcing myself to ignore thought shooting through my head. I can’t do anything about it, it just happens…
Yes, easily and quickly I’ve brought up a very serious issue. A chapter not much read and in my case not easily discussed in the coffee corner.
Yet I can deal with it at work and in the presence of family and friends much easier than when I’m home alone.
Things like old-fashionably no more answering one of my three phones, leave msn wisely off and things like that, make it possible to ensure to keep my shaky head above the ice cold water. Trying not to drown in my in my thoughts and freaking out.
Sometimes, at the most weird moments of the day an hysterical and out of proportions rain of tears pours down my cheeks. I oversleep often, which is not surprising after a lousy 5 or 6 days with no more than 2 or 3 mini hours of sleep a night. I jump out of bed within the hour without any trouble or without neglecting the dog, jump in my red car and then my laugh disappears almost immediately.
It was not much better at work. With a low frequency I tried to put my head in the quicksand in an effort to establish to keep my chin above the stormy water.
Occasionally I succeed but it doesn’t go very well. My make-up usually is already cried off in my car and my haircut is not recognizable anymore as a haircut after smoking my first cigarette on my break at work.
Once again it’s a beautiful image to see. If I was not sad I would surely become it then.
Everything and nothing shoots through my brain..
Yet so much to tell, to cuddle, so much to do together.
There no longer are any possible treatments for his stomach and rectal cancer.
I can’t help forcing myself to ignore thought shooting through my head. I can’t do anything about it, it just happens…
Yes, easily and quickly I’ve brought up a very serious issue. A chapter not much read and in my case not easily discussed in the coffee corner.
Yet I can deal with it at work and in the presence of family and friends much easier than when I’m home alone.
Things like old-fashionably no more answering one of my three phones, leave msn wisely off and things like that, make it possible to ensure to keep my shaky head above the ice cold water. Trying not to drown in my in my thoughts and freaking out.
Sometimes, at the most weird moments of the day an hysterical and out of proportions rain of tears pours down my cheeks. I oversleep often, which is not surprising after a lousy 5 or 6 days with no more than 2 or 3 mini hours of sleep a night. I jump out of bed within the hour without any trouble or without neglecting the dog, jump in my red car and then my laugh disappears almost immediately.
It was not much better at work. With a low frequency I tried to put my head in the quicksand in an effort to establish to keep my chin above the stormy water.
Occasionally I succeed but it doesn’t go very well. My make-up usually is already cried off in my car and my haircut is not recognizable anymore as a haircut after smoking my first cigarette on my break at work.
Once again it’s a beautiful image to see. If I was not sad I would surely become it then.
Everything and nothing shoots through my brain..
Yet so much to tell, to cuddle, so much to do together.
woensdag 5 maart 2008
Early day
Yesterday my eyes were closed around 20.00h, mr. Sandman had come and there was no more to hold. I close down my computer quickly. Hastily, I say goodbye to a Flemish girlfriend on msn to whom I was having conversation at that time. Even the subject “men” couldn’t keep me awake. Weird… Sometimes you get beaten with that big Sandman-hammer at once.
And now, at 03.00h, I woke up… 02.50h to be precise, and however I don’t mind getting up early , I think this hour can be actually referred to as “in the middle of the night”. Anyway, I didn’t dare to close my eyes again because I feared I wouldn’t hear the alarm clock that would go of at 04.30h. There was no other option then just to get up… pffff…
The most nonsensical texts flashed though my head around that nightly inhuman hour and immediately I turned on my computer, see the result. I wrote a few words in that white Microsoft Word field hoping that I could decipher and adapt everything to a decent readable document. Well, I think I will have a difficult job to do so this evening.
After eight cups of coffee, using four subscriptions to visits to the toilet, I walk the dog again around 4 in the morning outside. I still wonder, while I step over supersized dog shit from other dogs to clean up that little thing my miniature dog produced, how it is possible that the residents of the house on the corner of the street could blame my dog a few weeks ago for putting a supersized shit on their garden. Which obviously couldn’t never have come out of that tiny hole of my little doggy.
Well then, I dump that bag which contained a not pleasant smelling and filthy looking ‘thing’ in the dumpster. Well, those 0.002 grams would not make a difference I thought.
When I got back home after a fresh walk at 2°C, I opened my Word-document again and wrote down a few words which popped up during my doggy walk. My brain was really overheated, that’s for sure.
I promised myself to read this text again later this day, because I would probably not be able to make lots of sense at this hour and figured my big fingers would let me down anyway.
Well, it’s now 6 o’clock and like being possessed I jump in my car in a hurry. How is it even possible to get up on a barbaric hour in the middle of the night and still have to hurry to get into my little red Nissan Micra to make shore I’ll be on time at work.
Man! This should not get any weirder. So early, this should not happen too often. Well, I have come fully equipped and full of enthusiasm at work. Work could not complain. Of course, what did you think. By the time y colleagues came to work, I was already up for half a day, isn’t it?
Nice! After having lunch at 10 in the morning, I needed to announce myself somewhere in the West of the country so I jumped full of good courage into my car again.
During the trip I enjoyed all the attention the flirting men gave me of course.
I used to be an ugly duck but now I seem to be a hot nice looking girl (if may believe others). Well, gentlemen from the past… Eat this! Eat your heart out! Teun turned into a pretty beautiful woman.
All the gentlemen at the time didn’t want to see or couldn’t see it. And now.. I even like to rub it under their noses.. Make them see what they missed, and my day can’t be better! Cheer cheer for the singles.
Okay, okay, back to my storie..
I’ll try to make a long story brief.. I’ve survived the meeting without falling asleep, safe an with a big ego I arrived back home. I jumped directly into my bed. I was broken, really tired. Men! How do I get it all together. My day began early and also ended early.
Eventually I can still put myself in the catgory of “people” because mr. Sandman did come early this day again. I’m still human!
And now, at 03.00h, I woke up… 02.50h to be precise, and however I don’t mind getting up early , I think this hour can be actually referred to as “in the middle of the night”. Anyway, I didn’t dare to close my eyes again because I feared I wouldn’t hear the alarm clock that would go of at 04.30h. There was no other option then just to get up… pffff…
The most nonsensical texts flashed though my head around that nightly inhuman hour and immediately I turned on my computer, see the result. I wrote a few words in that white Microsoft Word field hoping that I could decipher and adapt everything to a decent readable document. Well, I think I will have a difficult job to do so this evening.
After eight cups of coffee, using four subscriptions to visits to the toilet, I walk the dog again around 4 in the morning outside. I still wonder, while I step over supersized dog shit from other dogs to clean up that little thing my miniature dog produced, how it is possible that the residents of the house on the corner of the street could blame my dog a few weeks ago for putting a supersized shit on their garden. Which obviously couldn’t never have come out of that tiny hole of my little doggy.
Well then, I dump that bag which contained a not pleasant smelling and filthy looking ‘thing’ in the dumpster. Well, those 0.002 grams would not make a difference I thought.
When I got back home after a fresh walk at 2°C, I opened my Word-document again and wrote down a few words which popped up during my doggy walk. My brain was really overheated, that’s for sure.
I promised myself to read this text again later this day, because I would probably not be able to make lots of sense at this hour and figured my big fingers would let me down anyway.
Well, it’s now 6 o’clock and like being possessed I jump in my car in a hurry. How is it even possible to get up on a barbaric hour in the middle of the night and still have to hurry to get into my little red Nissan Micra to make shore I’ll be on time at work.
Man! This should not get any weirder. So early, this should not happen too often. Well, I have come fully equipped and full of enthusiasm at work. Work could not complain. Of course, what did you think. By the time y colleagues came to work, I was already up for half a day, isn’t it?
Nice! After having lunch at 10 in the morning, I needed to announce myself somewhere in the West of the country so I jumped full of good courage into my car again.
During the trip I enjoyed all the attention the flirting men gave me of course.
I used to be an ugly duck but now I seem to be a hot nice looking girl (if may believe others). Well, gentlemen from the past… Eat this! Eat your heart out! Teun turned into a pretty beautiful woman.
All the gentlemen at the time didn’t want to see or couldn’t see it. And now.. I even like to rub it under their noses.. Make them see what they missed, and my day can’t be better! Cheer cheer for the singles.
Okay, okay, back to my storie..
I’ll try to make a long story brief.. I’ve survived the meeting without falling asleep, safe an with a big ego I arrived back home. I jumped directly into my bed. I was broken, really tired. Men! How do I get it all together. My day began early and also ended early.
Eventually I can still put myself in the catgory of “people” because mr. Sandman did come early this day again. I’m still human!
dinsdag 19 februari 2008
I am…., I am…… AN OSTRICH
Many of us already done this. Certainly not everyone has a talent for writing and that I belong among them, I do not know, I will let others judge about that.
It’s just a way of expressing myself. Kicking to the way of life, the life I lead, things that happen and (especially but certainly not least) without getting to much physical injuries.
My columns, sometimes flooded with hydrochloric acid and even with nonsensical words, produce (in my case) lots of big ostrich eggs*.
Well, I burry my snout into the sand and stay put there like a pigheaded ostrich would do, and let all the stupid things glide along my long feathers. If that doesn’t work I’ll have to take my long legs and run as fast as I can. And boy! I can run hard! I could break world records.
Sometimes I really need those long loegs.. Sometimes it’s also certainnly better not to know, bend my head and look the other way.
Also Valentine didn’t leave me alone and my left me without hesitation a fully filled mailbox with e-cards of anonymous ‘worshippers’.
Okay, women think about sex and love more than thirty times a day but that doesn’t alter the fact that you don’t want to be loaded with these joyful mostly for the pleasure serving goodies just once a year. Why once a year and not the entire year? Or at least with a small frequency like once a month or so? It could save us a lot of misery I think. What is it that makes us human creatures longing for that one day in February?
Maybe it’s best I didn’t know the answer to that just now.
Again I put my head into the sand, it seems to be quicksand. I can’t escape to the fact that I will have to open a few mails because my mail quota is overloaded. Again I feel like a silly ostrich. As if my ‘pleasant’ extravagances during Carnaval still were not enough (okay, even I have expanded my mobile phone with new numbers like many others) a delicious and even gorgeous Englishman pops up into my mailbox.
Conveniently trying to believe that the beautiful picture he send was a real photo of him. Trying to believe he was not a faker like so many others.
Hmmm… Well, I’m still human and could not resist to returning him a mail full of romantic words, just for fun. I needed to wash my mouth with soap, believe me! Drawling!
Wrong! After answering, he overwhelmed me with emails where the romance and overloaded with words of drivel. Seen as a woman, I know I’m not particularly sensitive for those words. I even created an antipathy against it.
This goodlooking 40-year old man appeared to be a pitbull and has put his teeth into my neck and refused to release. I could feel the blood flow, it felt suffocating and an unpleasant feeling came over me. In my best English I tried to get loose of him, tried to let him down easy. These was nothing I could do, there was no avail. An oily solid deposit in his mailbox did the trick.
Again I felt an ostrich.. A silly goose, a donkey… Weird thing you would get if you would mix those three beasts together, but anyway.. I’m also not normal according to my friends..
I stuck my head even faster and further into the sand, tried again to read some emails but it didn’t work. My growing ego, bigger by Valentine? Now the opposite is proven.
Me, a stupid Valentine-ostrich prefer to close my full mailbox, my pc and will try to locate my bed soon. Hoping to get some sleep to at least make an effort try to get up the 15th again full of courage and waking up without Valentine and/or ostrich problems. Next year, I’ll stay the 14th in my bed all day! It may al go by this ostrich!
* my way of saying that it’s not going well
vrijdag 4 januari 2008
Mostwanted sexy ringtones (1-2)
Well, something you already know. You have such a day when really nothing works, you can’t get anything out of your hands and what do you do? Yes, right. You think a minute and decide to go surfing on the world wide web, pleasantly and relaxed. Well, so I did that as well.
Now I was ready up the new and I read an article about an Australion whose ‘orgasm ringtone’ continued in a courtroom.
My visuality played me clearly and everything flew by my sensitive eyes. The article was also not ambiguity about it to describe the tone. A simple “Oh, yeah… yeah… Oh yeah.. Do it to me”, was more than enough to reflect this fact.
Well for example, I have a ringtone called ‘fucking rabbit’ programmed on my mobile phone and I don’t want to think about the idea that this ringtone would echo in a courtroom or other public concern.
For a while I laughed, I surfed further at ease and bumped up to another strange article. The title was: “American church holds National Porn Sunday”. You must know that this internet site of this church community had a logo of a blue elephant and the infamous “xxx’s” were even present.
Every church members continue by installing their received five meters high massive blue inflatable elephant in front of the church doors.
Who dares to walk by that? I don’t like to be seen in front of such a church, let alone that someone would see me enter the divine building.
Soon my imagination combined both posts and I visualized the thoughts which were entering my delicate brain cells. I’ve put two and two together.
If you by any chance have the same crazy idea as I did just by surfing, surely you couldn’t stop laughing as well.
I googled further and the first result was, again a beauty of an article: “telephone bill of 125,000 euro”, catchy right? Well, duh… These three articles in a row an also in this order could simply not be accidental anymore. It’s more defying of fate!
If you know that in the same glance “Shy People of Thailand can buy condoms at the bank” flashed along my irises, you can imagine that I really couldn’t keep it dry. Tears of laughter and abdominal pain as a result!
In an attempt not to wet my keyboard, I attempted to focus on other thoughts. But of course in a case like this I was not that lucky. On the same page “The Bible on your mobile phone”.
Roar with laughter! I wonder what kind of divine ringtones I would hear now. I don’t believe that some kind of dirty melody will end up on a Christians phone. ‘Jesus calling you!”, “The Holy Virgin Mary is calling you!”? Let your fantasy go, insert an extra moaning dimension and, as far as I am concerned, your picture is complete.
I dare you not to remember that when you googled with “Christian ringtone” by Mozilla Firefox. As a first result is a site called (of course, how could it be otherwise): “One Way” which indeed offers this ringtone but not for free.
Now the religion has been milked out (perhaps literally and figuratively)? Although the site states that their mission is not to make a profit, there is also not a word about how much the downloaders pay, how much they should pay and what is being done with the money if there are 'accidentally' profits.
A possible new Christian-identity crisis? A simple you-go-girl has changed rapidly in you-go-God?
Yes sure, miracles do still exist because even faith goes along in time hoping that God and Allah are not offended. Anyway, my brain was certainly stimulated, I admit. Now my tears are dried up and I have no longer the nerve to surf along.
Perhaps even better!
Now I was ready up the new and I read an article about an Australion whose ‘orgasm ringtone’ continued in a courtroom.
My visuality played me clearly and everything flew by my sensitive eyes. The article was also not ambiguity about it to describe the tone. A simple “Oh, yeah… yeah… Oh yeah.. Do it to me”, was more than enough to reflect this fact.
Well for example, I have a ringtone called ‘fucking rabbit’ programmed on my mobile phone and I don’t want to think about the idea that this ringtone would echo in a courtroom or other public concern.
For a while I laughed, I surfed further at ease and bumped up to another strange article. The title was: “American church holds National Porn Sunday”. You must know that this internet site of this church community had a logo of a blue elephant and the infamous “xxx’s” were even present.
Every church members continue by installing their received five meters high massive blue inflatable elephant in front of the church doors.
Who dares to walk by that? I don’t like to be seen in front of such a church, let alone that someone would see me enter the divine building.
Soon my imagination combined both posts and I visualized the thoughts which were entering my delicate brain cells. I’ve put two and two together.
If you by any chance have the same crazy idea as I did just by surfing, surely you couldn’t stop laughing as well.
I googled further and the first result was, again a beauty of an article: “telephone bill of 125,000 euro”, catchy right? Well, duh… These three articles in a row an also in this order could simply not be accidental anymore. It’s more defying of fate!
If you know that in the same glance “Shy People of Thailand can buy condoms at the bank” flashed along my irises, you can imagine that I really couldn’t keep it dry. Tears of laughter and abdominal pain as a result!
In an attempt not to wet my keyboard, I attempted to focus on other thoughts. But of course in a case like this I was not that lucky. On the same page “The Bible on your mobile phone”.
Roar with laughter! I wonder what kind of divine ringtones I would hear now. I don’t believe that some kind of dirty melody will end up on a Christians phone. ‘Jesus calling you!”, “The Holy Virgin Mary is calling you!”? Let your fantasy go, insert an extra moaning dimension and, as far as I am concerned, your picture is complete.
I dare you not to remember that when you googled with “Christian ringtone” by Mozilla Firefox. As a first result is a site called (of course, how could it be otherwise): “One Way” which indeed offers this ringtone but not for free.
Now the religion has been milked out (perhaps literally and figuratively)? Although the site states that their mission is not to make a profit, there is also not a word about how much the downloaders pay, how much they should pay and what is being done with the money if there are 'accidentally' profits.
A possible new Christian-identity crisis? A simple you-go-girl has changed rapidly in you-go-God?
Yes sure, miracles do still exist because even faith goes along in time hoping that God and Allah are not offended. Anyway, my brain was certainly stimulated, I admit. Now my tears are dried up and I have no longer the nerve to surf along.
Perhaps even better!
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