Well, it’s been a while since I’ve let myself heard here, the reason is a pretty unpleasant one. Those who know me a bit are aware of the medical situation of my dad and know that his health is very bad at the moment.
There no longer are any possible treatments for his stomach and rectal cancer.
I can’t help forcing myself to ignore thought shooting through my head. I can’t do anything about it, it just happens…
Yes, easily and quickly I’ve brought up a very serious issue. A chapter not much read and in my case not easily discussed in the coffee corner.
Yet I can deal with it at work and in the presence of family and friends much easier than when I’m home alone.
Things like old-fashionably no more answering one of my three phones, leave msn wisely off and things like that, make it possible to ensure to keep my shaky head above the ice cold water. Trying not to drown in my in my thoughts and freaking out.
Sometimes, at the most weird moments of the day an hysterical and out of proportions rain of tears pours down my cheeks. I oversleep often, which is not surprising after a lousy 5 or 6 days with no more than 2 or 3 mini hours of sleep a night. I jump out of bed within the hour without any trouble or without neglecting the dog, jump in my red car and then my laugh disappears almost immediately.
It was not much better at work. With a low frequency I tried to put my head in the quicksand in an effort to establish to keep my chin above the stormy water.
Occasionally I succeed but it doesn’t go very well. My make-up usually is already cried off in my car and my haircut is not recognizable anymore as a haircut after smoking my first cigarette on my break at work.
Once again it’s a beautiful image to see. If I was not sad I would surely become it then.
Everything and nothing shoots through my brain..
Yet so much to tell, to cuddle, so much to do together.
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